compassion

What exactly is compassion?  It is feeling sympathy and concern for others who are suffering or have misfortunes.  Most of us have a sympathetic bone in our body when it comes to others.  Whether it’s a seeing the homeless person, losing a loved one, or anyone less fortunate than ourselves, we feel something whether we take action on it or not.  So what about SELF compassion?  We tend to not have much, if any, for ourselves.  

I’ve always felt guilty for caring about myself and my feelings.  When I have been unhappy in a job or relationship, I beat myself up over it.  When I feel bad about myself physically or emotionally, I talk negatively to myself.  “You are the one doing this to yourself.  You made the choices.  You are still better off than most others so you should not feel bad.  You hate the work and mundane life but at least you are employed.”  It’s a vicious cycle of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that keep us on the hamster wheel of living an unfulfilling life.   Most of this is engrained in us as children through subconscious beliefs and it has taken me years to understand and uncover the root of all my own suffering. 

So how do you practice self-compassion?  Well first of all you have to understand that you are human and forgive yourself.  You are going through the same human experience everyone goes through.  We think that people are really criticizing us and our lives, when most of the time it is really a reflection of their own worries and insecurities.  Other people don’t think of us as much as we would like to think.  Do you really think they care about you when they have their own problems, lives, and families to deal with?  Honestly, do you really care what they think or say?  News flash, this is YOUR life.  You are the only one that matters.  You are the only one that has to live it each day.  Your issues are just the same as everyone else’s if you really pay attention.  You are allowed to be imperfect and fail.  You are allowed to not know what to do.  Compassion for yourself means accepting your “shortcomings” and being kind and loving yourself anyway. 

There is no perfect.  We are like snowflakes, no two people are alike.  We all have different upbringings and experiences that shape our life.  Compassion is a great quality to have, but self-compassion is VITAL to living a life that you love and dream of.  You can only help others if you help yourself first. (mask on the airplane analogy!) You can start by forgiving yourself and others right now. We cannot go back and change the past so we just need to forgive and move on. Healing begins with self-compassion. Take the time today to become aware of your negative self-talk and self-defeating behaviors and give yourself compassion for taking steps forward in changing and creating the life you want.