playing victim

I went so many years feeling like I was the victim of my life.  I didn’t find what I was looking for.  I didn’t do the things I wanted to do.  I didn’t make the money I wanted to make.  The love that I was looking for never appeared.  Self-doubt, self-pity, and self-criticism ruled my head.  The Ego had a strong hold of me and fear, doubt, and other people’s opinions influenced every decision.  There were bits of happiness in those days, but the Ego made sure that it ended all glimpses of hope of a better, happier, love-filled life quickly. 

I tried to run from being a victim by moving, switching jobs, and constantly trying new things.  I thought I could lose it by changing directions and going new routes.  I thought I could outsmart it by being indecisive and not having vision, purpose, or passion.  The Ego can’t control or get in the way if I don’t commit to one thing.  I can do and be whoever I want if I just play the victim.  No one is allowed to judge me if I am not in control of my life.  I struggled with this thought pattern because it is really not who I wanted to be or the way I wanted to live my life, but how do I break this cycle after so many years of practice? 

I took my first personal development course by mistake.  I thought it was a sales and leadership course.  I wanted to be a wealthy, self-made, inspiring woman and wanted to learn how to get there.  It was an intense weekend of self-reflection and brought awareness into my life.  How dare they make me dig so deep into my thoughts only to come to the conclusion that I was NO victim, I was ACCOUNTABLE for my life!?  It was a game changer and where my personal development obsession began. 

Do you constantly ask yourself why things aren’t better or why you aren’t where you thought you’d be?  I always felt there was more to life but just didn’t know how to make that shift.  I played victim and blamed others for everything.  We wake up every day with a choice.  We choose to get out of bed.  We choose our morning daily habits.  We choose our mindset.  We choose our job.  We choose who we spend time with.  We choose what we put into our body.  You are not a victim, you chose it all. 

In a podcast I was listening to yesterday, Mel Robbins said, “You are one decision away from a completely different life.”  You can choose right now to change it all.  It may not happen immediately but with a daily self-awareness practice, you can start moving the right direction.  Take accountability for your life and don’t play victim anymore.   We don’t know how much time we get in this life, so make sure every minute is on your terms.  Do things that you love.  Work in a positive energetic environment. Be around people who are supportive and loving.  Be an inspiration to people around you.  Forgive yourself and others.  No regrets.

Live a life that YOU love.