solo trippin

This year I decided that no one is going to make me feel bad about anything I do. I am strong, awesome, and can do anything I want.  I am blessed and grateful for all that I have been through and realize that being alone is pretty amazing.  The stay at home order kept me (mostly) confined to the comfort of my apartment.  I saw my friends that are parents going crazy over all the time with their kids and significant others.  Sorry not sorry. I am so lucky to have my sanity and all this time to myself.  I want to do more things alone!  It is so peaceful and brings me so much happiness.  Am I an introvert now??  I was always a social butterfly going out all the time.  Hmmm… interesting how the world turns.   

Doing things alone had always been a downer for me. I was sad and lonely thinking I don’t have enough friends or a boyfriend to spend time with. 

I sometimes would brave the bar by myself but there’s always a bartender to talk to.  (I easily make friends at the bar too so I’m never alone that long.)

I have done a movie or two by myself.  (I would feel lame though watching others share popcorn with a companion.)

I ride my motorcycle by myself most of the time.  (Mostly because I don’t live close to my biker friends and I usually just get out whenever I have time.)  

I have done the cross country road Michigan/Arizona trip by myself. (which I honestly have come to love and enjoy!)

So in addition to battling myself to find my purpose and passion, I was battling fear and loneliness.  It’s exhausting and would suck the life out of me.  Then when I would stop feeling sorry for myself and do things that make me feel good, my friends and family would criticize my time out and how much money I don’t have that I’m spending.  Ugh,, thanks a lot.  Why doesn’t anyone understand how fucking hard it is to be alone?  More feelings that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of.

Earlier this year was the first time I ended up on a solo trip and my growth around being alone really started to change.  I went up to Sacramento to see a guy I met in AZ.  We were going to have a fun weekend of exploring and wine tasting!  I was so excited for this adventure whether he was a match or not.  Whatever!  Let’s have fun!  Well, not so much.  He was nothing like he had portrayed himself to be in his home environment and there were no adventures happening.  I offered to leave, which he happily took me up on, called me an Uber and told me a few tourist areas to check out.  I was so pissed at myself for ending up alone in a city I knew nothing about.  After a good night sleep and some sulking, I decided to make the best of it and explore this damn city and make my own adventure!!  I always make friends when I go out!  I don’t know what was so scary about any of that?  It was fun and I survived my first solo trip!

I didn’t have any immediate plans to attempt something like that again and I know I’m not the first woman to do this but I had “alone” issues.  When the world shut down and we were quarantined with stay at home orders, I again had to deal with being alone.  No spending time with friends and pretty much zero chance of meeting a man.  (I don’t do online dating.  I prefer meeting in person and seeing who someone really is!)  I had to get real and sit with the fact that I AM ALONE and I AM OK.  Actually, I’m more than ok… I’m pretty great!  The time was very healing and helped me get over whatever limiting beliefs I had about being alone.  I LOVE BEING ALONE!  I need to help more women like me with this mindset shift too! (that’s why Solo with Soul was created!!)  It’s very empowering and exciting. 

Guess what I did next alone!?  I booked a studio Airbnb by the ocean in San Diego and took a road trip!  If I have to spend more time alone, I want it to have an ocean view!  (I’m not gonna lie, I asked a few friends to go but they couldn’t make it.)  I remembered my Sacramento trip and the new things I got to experience and just had to take the trip!  It’s definitely one I’ll never forget. 

You are never really alone.  There are just people and adventures you haven’t experienced yet.  You get to choose how you roll through this life.  Are you going to feel sorry for yourself and let the ego consume you with fear and scarcity?  No more, I’m done with it. I’m upgrading and transforming my life and being solo makes it so much easier because the only one I have to convince is ME!  I get to choose how to live this life and with whom. My heart and soul are full of love and gratitude for my solo adventures.